DOC PREVIEW
Sac State ENGL 20 - Sample Outline

This preview shows page 1 out of 2 pages.

Save
View full document
View full document
Premium Document
Do you want full access? Go Premium and unlock all 2 pages.
Access to all documents
Download any document
Ad free experience
Premium Document
Do you want full access? Go Premium and unlock all 2 pages.
Access to all documents
Download any document
Ad free experience

Unformatted text preview:

PARAGRAPH 2SAMPLE OUTLINE 2KUSHMAN AND “EVER AFTER”Thesis-In his Sacramento Bee review of the new Disney’s Cinderella,Rick Kushman argues that the Disney producers failed in theirattempt to present enlightened and new messages in their remake.Andy Tennant in his remake of the Cinderella story, Ever After, wasalso trying to present enlightened messages, but unlike the Disneyproducers, the key elements of Kushman’s critique of Disney’s newCinderella would not apply to Tennant’s Ever After./MUST USE FIRST PERSON. ALSO, COULD BE MORE SPECIFIC REGARDING KUSHMAN.//Argument 1-First, Kushman says that Disney’s new Cinderella fails topresent the enlightened messages proposed by the producers, on theother hand, Andy Tennant’s Ever After does not. //??? DOES NOT WHAT? YOU NEED TO BE MORE SPECIFIC. EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN.//Argument 2-Secondly, Kushman also says that Disney’s newCinderella fails to present new messages proposed by the producers,on the other hand, Andy Tennant’s Ever After does not. //YOU NEEDTO BE MORE SPECIFIC. EXPLAIN.////I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BUT THESE ARGUMENTS DO NOT CLEARLYMATCH THE THESIS BECAUSE THE THESIS IS VAGUE AND THEY AREEQUALLY VAGUE. YOU ALSO DO NOT USE THE FIRST PERSON.//THIS PARAGRAPH IS TOO SHORT. IT IS ONLY THREE SENTENCES ANDLOOKS LIKE AN OUTLINE, NOT AN INTRO. YOU MUST FOLLOWGUIDELINES.PARAGRAPH 2BACKGROUND 1I am sure this does not make sense, so I will back up a few steps and explain. Rick Kushman is a Sacramento Bee columnist who critiqued Walt Disney’s newCinderella, a remake of the original version. Kushman reviewed the newCinderella, primarily to prove of the movie was successful in its main objective. //SS PROBLEM. DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.//In his article, Kushman quoted director of the movie Robert Iscove, who said, “Itwas one of our main concerns…to make sure that the story has some relevanceto a ‘90s audience. We’re trying to empower all of these ladies to realize that the beautiful dress andthe externals are inside you, that every girl is a princess and they can bring thatout.” My assumption is that this is the motive or main objective for this movie. //HEREYOU SHIFT TO THE FIRST PERSON. ALSO, THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANYSENSE. YOU SHOULD NOT BE MAKING ANY ASSUMPTIONS REGARDINGKUSHMAN. THIS IS BACKGROUND. YOU ARE ONLY EXPLAINING HISCRITIQUE OF NDC SO YOU CAN DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT ITWOULD APPLY TO EVER AFTER. HE IS NOT THE FOCUS OF YOURARGUMENT. USE WHAT I GAVE YOU IN CLASS.////THIS BACKGROUND IS VERY CONFUSING. IT DOES NOT GIVE A CLEARPICTURE OF K’S ARGUMENTS. LOOK AT THE OUTLINE OF HIS ARGUMENTTHAT WE GAVE IN CLASS. THIS IS A MESS. YOU DON’T GIVE A SECONDBACKGROUND PARAGRAPH. IT IS NEEDED TO UP YOUR ARGUMENTS.//EVALUATION: ONCE THIS PAPER GETS OFF COURSE IN THE FIRSTPARAGRAPH, IT BECOMES MORE AND MORE DIFFICULT TO FOLLOW. YOUARE SO VAGUE THAT YOU SEEM TO FORGET WHAT YOU WANTED TOARGUE BY THE THIRD PARAGRAPH. YOUR FIRST ARGUMENT DOES NOTFOLLOW YOUR ARGUMENT


View Full Document

Sac State ENGL 20 - Sample Outline

Documents in this Course
Oracle

Oracle

2 pages

Load more
Download Sample Outline
Our administrator received your request to download this document. We will send you the file to your email shortly.
Loading Unlocking...
Login

Join to view Sample Outline and access 3M+ class-specific study document.

or
We will never post anything without your permission.
Don't have an account?
Sign Up

Join to view Sample Outline 2 2 and access 3M+ class-specific study document.

or

By creating an account you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms Of Use

Already a member?