PSYC 359 1st Edition Lecture 26Outline of Last Lecture I. Finish chapter 12 Power and ViolenceII. Begin Chapter 13 on dissolution and the loss of relationshipIII. DivorceCurrent LectureMaintaining and Repairing Relationships- Factors shown to increase the risk of marital dissolution—long list on bb- Bad is stronger than good- Conflict is unavoidable- Romantic passion declines over time- Lots of people are insecure- Factors that you can change to improve your odds, if you work at it:o Negative styles of talking and fighting with each othero Difficulty communicating well, especially when you disagree Be openo Trouble handling disagreements as a team Don’t work against each othero Some types of mental health problems and substance abuse issues are quite changeable or can be improved, with work and support and treatment Such as depression, substance abuse, low self esteemo Unrealistic beliefs about marriage Its not going to be happily ever after It goes downhill You need to know that marriage is a union and you have to work on it Arranged marriages have fewer divorces- Maybe they have lower expectations - But there can be issues of women’s rightso Hard to compare these to our o If not equitable o Having different attitudes and expectations about important thingo A low level of commitment to one another, reflected in such things as not protecting your relationship from others you are attracted to, or failing to view your marriage as a long term agreement- Staying Committed o Relationship maintenance mechanisms are the strategic actions people take to sustain their partnerships  2 types: - Cognitive:o Staying committedo Cognitive interdependence Use ‘we’ and ‘us’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘my’o Positive illusions Attribution theory: believe the best of your partnero Perceived superiority Our relationship is better than other couples o Inattention to alternatives Committed partners pay less attention to other potential partnerso Derogation of tempting alternatives - Behavioral o Willingness to sacrifice Sharing Giving things upo Michelangelo phenomenon Promote their partner’s growth and support them Idealize them *Michelangelo created great things out of boring blockso Play Engage in novel exciting, challenging, pleasant experiences togethero Forgiveness  Behavior and not religion Don’t hold a grudge - Staying Content o Positivityo Assurances Continue to say ‘I love you’o Sharing tasks Chores, parenting, etc.  Support one anothero Openness Share informationo Support  Offer support and not advice when neededo But the effects are short lived and you have to do them over and over again- Repairing Relationships o You can get help doing it yourself, or go get helpo But a lot of pop psychology stuff is not actually helpful o Preventive Maintenance  Before things go wrong The PREP program—Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program- Divorce prevention marriage enhancing program- Multi national- Educational program, not a counseling program and not therapy- How to listen, how to be an active listener, say things in a strategicwayo Marital Therapy  While it can be helpful, what problems have to do is not having ever learned important skills so PREP is helpful Group therapy…all different times The earlier the better to prevent years of storage of issues  Individual therapy can be very helpful because you have to want to fix yourself and not your partner  Conjoint therapy Behavioral approaches- Behavioral couple therapy- Cognitive-behavioral couple therapy- Integrative behavioral couple therapy- Couples have to realize its hard work  Emotionally focused therapy Insight oriented therapy - Psychoanalytic and psychodynamic therapy- Focuses on earlier problems that people brought into the marriage- Unlike the others in its focus on the pasto All of these therapies are underutilized o Maintenance efforts are importanto Focus has to be on similarities o Have to have a good sense of humor - Conclusiono “a successful marriage increasingly becomes the relationship equivalent of a luxury yacht—hard to get, laborious to maintain but a better vessel to be on when there are storms at sea”o “a relationship is like a shark, it has to keep moving to stay