IPHY 3700Revising paragraphs, 2/11/081) Exchange your lists of topic sentences. On someone else’s list, mark the margin to indicate which power goal—or other goal—you see the sentence connecting to. Use our initials (I, P, M, S/L, F); if you find material that doesn’t fit those categories, label it with a word of your own. Explain any such notations to the author.2) Using the feedback on your own topic sentences, make any revisions you need to make.3) Below is a scrambled paragraph from a Discussion section on the issue of whether fitness or body fatness is the more important predictor of mortality. Arrange the sentences to make a good paragraph. Then explain why you used the order you chose and what you saw as the main themeor idea of the paragraph.1. At age 30, perhaps short-term lifestyle factors outweigh long-term effects of higher body fatness.2. Data from this study show different dose-response relationships between BMI at ages 30 and 50 and mortality.3. The differences in the dose-response relationships may indicate differences inbiological mechanisms and other causes responsible for the connection between BMI and mortality.4. When subjects are grouped in quintiles by BMI at age 30, both all-cause mortality and CV mortality peak in mid-ranges of BMI. 5. At age 50, perhaps the cumulative effects of unhealthy lifestyles have begun to increase CV risk factors and so lead to the higher mortality rates at highest BMI.6. When subjects are grouped by BMI at age 50, both all-cause mortality and CVmortality display a U-shaped relationship, with lowest mortality rates in mid-ranges of BMI.4) Work on one paragraph from your own paper, preferably one you think needs improvement. Analyze its structure and explain what you think is not working (or is working, if you find no need for improvement). Keep the original version; copy it to revise. Show both versions on one
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