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USC PSYC 359 - Can Men and Women Be Friends?

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PSYC 359 1st Edition Lecture 16 Outline of Last Lecture I. Beginning of FriendshipOutline of Current Lecture I. FriendshipII. Can men and women be friends?Current LectureScene from When Harry Met Sally - Can men and women be friends?What's love got to do with it?- Cross gender friendships, friends with benefits relationships, lovers- While benefits are obvious, there are no explicit rules- No guiding scriptso Creates ambiguity o People don’t know what to expect - Exchange relationships- These relationships have some longevity o Does this change things? - Men have an easier time removing love from sex - Both are a challenge…staying friend with an ex and having sex with a friend - NOT IN BOOK:- Humans and animals as friends - Using animals in hospitals - Presence of pets reduces stress in threatening situation- Associated with positive feelings - Always happy to see you - Challenging in establishing friendships - Shyness- Social reticence- Inhibited interactive behavior- Nervous discomfort in social settings - 50% of us are shy - Comes from excessive fear of being judged…like paranoia - Distinguish between shyness and introversion- There are shy extroverts- Why people fret about social disapproval - When shy people have an excuse for an interaction to go badly, they remain relatively relaxed ad do not act shy - The values reflect arousal in the form of increases in heart rate as the interaction begins - Loneliness- Loneliness may be of two different types- Not voluntary- There is social isolation where people are dissatisfied because they lack a social network of friends and acquaintances- Emotional isolation, people are lonely because they lack a single intense relationship - Depends on both perceptions and desires- Measuring lonelinesso The ucla loneliness scale contains three different themes that produce high loneliness scores Isolation from others Lack of close connection to others Too little social connection - A variety of emotions and desires can accompany loneliness- Loneliness can be consequential. It is associated with a variety of serious problems, including:o Running away from homeo Crime and delinquencyo Poor gradeso Sleep disturbanceso Poor mental healtho Poor physical health - Who’s lonely?o Americans are more lonely, on average, than people in other countries Danes least lonely - Because they’re homogenous- Highest percentage of people who belong to clubs and groups Japanese and Italians are most lonely o Education and income are negatively correlated with lonelinesso Married people are less lonely than non-married, and cohabitatingpartners less than singles The more committed people are to their relationships, the less lonely they areo People with secure styles of attachment tend to be less lonely than those who are insecure They elicit more friendso Those with an identical twin who is lonely tend to be lonely, tooo Unmarried men tend to be more lonely than unmarried women - Gender differences o Men who have a close partnership with a woman tend to be muchless lonely than are men who are between partners o Pattern disappears with androgynous men - Loneliness Across the Lifespano Children of divorce are also prone to loneliness Children of divorce are more likely to self blame...can cause lonelinesso Adolescents and young adults o Older people aren’t necessarily more lonely…they just spend moretime with people they truly care about o College kids still ‘searching for themselves’ and are lonely - Possible causes and Moderators of Lonelinesso Inadequacies in our relationshipso Changes in what we want from our relationshipso Causal attributionso Interpersonal behaviors - Coping with loneliness o People’s responses to loneliness fall into four typeso Two of these are active and constructive:- Active solitude: finding enjoyable things to do alone- Social contact: taking action to seek out otherso The other two are potentially self defeating:- Distractions: such as going shopping- Sad passivity: doing drunks or drinking, or nothing at all - There are adaptive ways to cope with loneliness- Addresses your pessimistic passivity. Consider that going to social gatherings offers more benefits than risks- Look for situational influences instead of blaming yourself- Watch out for sour attitudes. Stay positive.- Concentrate on solid friendships instead of seeking a romantic soul


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USC PSYC 359 - Can Men and Women Be Friends?

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