Wednesday, February 20Diagnostic Questions for Revising ParagraphsDiagnosing Topic SentencesVague Topic Sentences: Example #1Vague Topic Sentences: Example #2Vague Topic Sentences: Example #3How effective is the coherence (that is, the flow in meaning and logic from sentence to sentence)?Sample #4: From a review paper on the relationship between stress and immune-related diseasesExplaining Coordination and Parallel StructureEvaluating the Structure of Ideas Across SentencesSlide 11Sample # 4: Revision to Add Parallel StructureSample #2: From the Discussion Section of Volek et al.’s Research PaperStrategies for Improving CoherenceSlide 15Sample #6: Revision to Improve CoherenceWednesday, February 20• Revising ParagraphsIPHY 3700 Writing Process MapDiagnostic Questions for Revising Paragraphs1. To what extent do the paragraph's sentences reflect unity, or "oneness" in topic, message, and purpose (goal)? 2. How effective is the topic sentence (if the paragraph needs one)?3. How effective is the coherence, or the flow in meaning and logic from sentence to sentence? 4. How effective is the pattern of idea development?5. To what extent is the structure of successive sentences coordinated when it should be coordinated?6. To what extent does the structure of successive sentences vary when it should vary?7. How effectively are successive paragraphs designed (that is, how do they look on the page)?8. How successively are ideas in paragraphs developed with appropriate support, examples, reasoning, and so on? (This question overlaps with diagnosing content.)Diagnosing Topic Sentences1. Ask, "Does the paragraph have a sentence that captures the central topic, main message, and rhetorical goal? If not, does the paragraph need one?"2. Ask, "Does the topic sentence effectively capture the central topic, main message and, most important, rhetorical goal for the paragraph?3. Ask, "Is the sentence positioned effectively in the paragraph (usually at the top of a paragraph, to avoid a bottom-up structure)?"4. Ask, "Does the sentence make a specific promise, or instill a well-defined expectation, about the content to follow? And, does the content of the paragraph fulfill the topic sentence's promise?"5. Ask, "Does the sentence effectively forecast the structure or pattern of ideas that follow?"6. Ask, "Does the sentence effectively establish the logical relationship between the paragraph and surrounding paragraphs?“Sample ParagraphsVague Topic Sentences: Example #1Rhetorical Situation: Discussion section of a research paper on the effects of exercise on mood. Results indicated a positive effect in subjects who exercised in a gym setting. Goal is to discuss methodological limitations to the study. Paragraph focuses on a limitation involving the study’s lack of control for social influences.Vague topic sentences: 1. Methodological limitations to this study should be addressed.2. There was a study limitation involving the environment in which subjects exercised.3. Methodological limitations included insufficient control groups.Specific topic sentence:Vague Topic Sentences: Example #2Rhetorical Situation: Introduction section to a research proposal on the effects of exercise on psychological stress. Goal is to present novel aspects of the proposed study. Paragraph focuses on justifying the novel type of exercise (resistance exercise) that the authors propose to study. Vague topic sentences: 1. Little is known about the effects of resistance exercise on psychological stress.2. The effects of resistance exercise on psychological stress are central to the proposed study. Specific topic sentence:Vague Topic Sentences: Example #3Rhetorical Situation: Discussion section of a research paper on the effects of low-carbohydrate diets on weight and fat loss. Results indicated greater weight loss in low-CHO diet subjects, due to metabolic advantage. Goal is to explain how a possible methodological limitation (isocaloric diets) may have influenced the outcomes and conclusions. Vague topic sentences: 1. At this point it is important to discuss a possible methodological limitation to the study at hand. 2. There are several methodological limitations that could have influenced this study’s outcomes and conclusions. 3. Methodological limitations occur in all research studies. Specific topic sentence:How effective is the coherence (that is, the flow in meaning and logic from sentence to sentence)?Questions for Diagnosing Gaps and Breaks in Coherence:1. Are there drastic shifts in the topic, message, or goal?2. Are the paragraph’s ideas ordered ineffectively?3. Are key inferences missing?4. Does the idea in the current sentence fail to meet readers’ expectations (based on the idea in the previous sentence)?5. Is there a lack of parallel structure (when parallel structure is warranted)?6. Are necessary transitions and "meaning links” lacking?7. Is the problem that the whole thing just doesn't flow? Sample ParagraphsSample #4: From a review paper on the relationship between stress and immune-related diseases(1) In studies on both animals and humans, researchers have determined the effects of various physical and psychological stressors on immune-related diseases. (2) An often-cited example is the reduced proliferative rate of lymphocytes in rats exposed to noxious sound stressors. (3) The suppression of natural-killer (NK) cell activity, in response to electric tail-shock stress in mice, has been shown to promote tumor development. (4) Sullivan et al. reported that spousal caregivers of Alzheimer's disease patients had an increased risk of infection due to a reduced antibody response to influenza vaccination. (5) In another study on humans who performed stressful mental tasks, it was shown that plasma IL-6 concentrations increased over periods of 2 hours following the stressful stimulus. (6) Primates are another example. (7) High serum concentrations of glucocorticoids have been observed, as a result of social isolation, to decrease the proliferation and migration of macrophages.Explaining Coordination and Parallel StructureThe (good) rule: At both the sentence and paragraph levels, coordinated ideas should be expressed in parallel grammatical structures.Lack of parallel structure: Antidepressant drugs may reduce symptoms of depression by inhibiting the neuronal re-uptake of serotonin, inducing gene expression of neurotrophic factors, and the production of corticotropin-releasing hormone can be decreased.