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Slide 1Sample #2: Evaluate the paragraph unitySample #3: Evaluate the paragraph unitySample #4: Evaluate the paragraph unitySample #5: Evaluate the paragraph unitySample #5: Note the revision strategiesSample #1: Evaluate the paragraph unitySample #2: Evaluate the paragraph unity(1) As indicated in numerous previous studies, there is an association between sense of humor and physical health. (2) Variables such as closeness, self-esteem, and extroversion may be involved, although this has generated much controversy among researchers. (3) The intellectual identification with the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of other individuals is an especially important consideration in understanding the humor-health connection. (4) Measures of sense of humor and subjects' self-reports of laughter tend to be associated with positive emotions such as joy and compassion. (5) The physiological effects of laughter have been shown to influence the activity of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis. (6) Thus, stress has been implicated in this relationship.You'll see the problem more clearly by extracting the grammatical subject of each sentence:•the association between sense of humor and physical health (sentence 1); •variables such as closeness, self-esteem, and extroversion (sentence 2);•the intellectual identification with other individuals' feelings, thoughts, and attitudes (sentence 3);•measures of sense of humor and laughter (sentence 4); •the physiological effects of laughter (sentence 5); and •implications of stress in some unidentifiable relationship (sentence 6).Sample #3: Evaluate the paragraph unity(1) Although numerous studies have documented that laughter increases the threshold for perceiving pain, contradictory findings have revealed no relationship between these two variables. (2) The conflicting outcomes have significantly limited progress in this research field; thus, it is important to analyze the existing research and explain the inconsistencies. (3) The lack of agreement in findings across the existing studies may be due to differences in experimental design, varying subject characteristics, and discrepancies in the methods used to measure pain threshold. (4) In studies revealing a positive relationship between laughter and pain threshold, an explanatory hypothesis is that laughter has a distracting effect that diverts attention from the painful stimulus. (5) A contrasting hypothesis is that laughter reduces pain through direct physiological effects, including the increased secretion of endorphins and other analgesic chemicals from parts of the brain that regulate pain perception.Sample #4: Evaluate the paragraph unityNote: The writer's goal for the paragraph was to justify her proposed study's methods by explaining how they accounted for methodological limitations in previous studies on the issue. (1) The proposed study is designed to improve on methodological shortcomings of previous studies on the effects of humor and laughter on health. (2) A major limitation restricting the validity of findings has been the short duration of previous studies. (3) In typical laboratory experiments on this topic, subjects spend approximately 30 minutes watching comedic television shows or parts of humorous movies. (4) Before and after these sessions, researchers measured health-related variables such as blood pressure, stress hormone concentrations in the blood, and immune cell activity. (5) Most of the previous studies have not revealed significant changes in these measures. (6) For example, neither Jones et al. nor Smith et al. found changes in various markers of immune cell activity in subjects who watched a 28-minute video of a television comedy show. (7) The immune markers in these studies included secretory immunoglobulin A activity, T-cell helper-suppressor ratio, and interleukin-6 activity.Sample #5: Evaluate the paragraph unityNote: The following paragraph is a revision of sample #4. (1) The proposed study is designed to improve on methodological shortcomings of previous studies on the effects of humor and laughter on health. (2) A major limitation restricting the validity of findings has been the short duration of previous studies. (3) In the earlier laboratory experiments on this topic, subjects spent a relatively small amount of time, usually not exceeding 30 minutes, watching comedic television shows or parts of humorous movies. (4) Before and after these sessions, researchers measured health-related variables such as blood pressure, stress hormone concentrations in the blood, and immune cell activity. (5) Most of the previous studies have not revealed significant changes in these measures. (6) For example, neither Jones et al. nor Smith et al. found changes in various markers of immune cell activity in subjects who watched a 28-minute video of a television comedy show. (7) However, the short duration of the subjects' exposure to comedy may have limited the validity of the previous study's results in several ways. (8) For example, subjects may not have had sufficient time to adjust to the unfamiliar laboratory settings; therefore, they may have been inhibited from experiencing their normal response to humorous entertainment. (9) In addition, subjects may not have been exposed to the experimental treatment over a period long enough to cause changes in the health-related measures. (10) To address the limitations associated with the earlier short-term studies, I propose an experimental procedure in which subjects will watch humorous videotapes during four 1-hour sessions, each separated by 3 days.Sample #5: Note the revision strategies(1) The proposed study is designed to improve on methodological shortcomings of previous studies on the effects of humor and laughter on health. (2) A major limitation restricting the validity of findings has been the short duration of previous studies. (3) In the earlier laboratory experiments on this topic, subjects spent a relatively small amount of time, usually not exceeding 30 minutes, watching comedic television shows or parts of humorous movies. (4) Before and after these sessions, researchers measured health-related variables such as blood pressure, stress hormone concentrations in the blood, and immune cell activity. (5) Most of the previous studies have not revealed significant changes in these measures. (6) For example, neither Jones et al. nor Smith et al. found changes in various markers of immune cell activity in


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CU-Boulder IPHY 3700 - Revising Paragraphs

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