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Revising Paragraphs: For Wednesday, October 3Sample 1: In the following paragraph, from the body of an informative review paper, the central topic, point, and goal are implied.(1) Whitney and Stein conducted a 16-week study to examine the effects of meditation on flow-mediated brachial artery vasodilation (FMBAV), which indicates vascular health. (2) The participants, 32 females and 30 males between 22 to 36 years of age, were randomly assigned to a meditation group and a control group that, insteadof meditating, viewed informational videos about meditation. (3) The results showed a significant 18% increase in FMBAV (P < .001) among participants in the meditation group; no significant change in FMBAV occurred in the control group. (4) Similar outcomes to those observed by Whitney and Stein have been reported. (5) In contrast, Levinson and other researchers have reported that meditation had no effect on FMBAV. Sample 2: The following paragraph is from the discussion section of a hypothetical research paper on the effects of a hypothetical treatment, positive imagery meditation (PIM), on cardiovascular health. The author’s goal for the paragraph was to answer the study’s central research question: Can PIM meaningfully improve cardiovascular health status to a degree that clinicians would recommend it to their patients?The results showed that subjects who performed positive imagery meditation (PIM) experienced small but statistically significant changes in cholesterol levels. From baseline to the end of the 3-month study, the mean HDL-cholesterol concentration increased from 34.2 to 36.7 mg/dl (P < .001). Over the same period, LDL-cholesterol decreased from 155 to 149 mg/dl (P < .001). Statistically significant changes in a favorable direction were also observed for blood pressure. In contrast, no changes were observed over the study period for levels of C-reactive protein.Write a topic sentence for the paragraph above: Sample 3: A Paragraph that Breaks the Promise of its Topic Sentence(1) The results of this study will provide new information that can be applied in clinical settings. (2) We propose to investigate the influence of meditative states on electroencephalography (EEG) activity in the prefrontal cortex. (3) Specifically, we will examine the EEG activity of alpha and theta waves while subjects perform 30-minute sessions of guided meditation. (4) We will also investigate patterns of neural synchrony in the prefrontal cortex during the meditation sessions. (5) Increases in the amplitude of slow alpha and theta waves have been associated with acute changes in parasympathetic neural output, which may influence cardiovascular and metabolic function.3,4,6,8 (6) Given society's widespread interest in mind-body health interventions, knowledge about the effects of meditation on brain activity is especially pertinent.Sample 4: Vague Topic SentencesFrom: A research proposal to study how meditation influences the body's response to stressRhetorical goal for the paragraph: Present features of my proposed study that make it novel and worthwhile. (Novel features of the study: long duration, focus on physiologically and psychologically stressful conditions.)Vague topic sentence: The proposed study will examine meditation and the response to stress. Specific topic sentence:Sample 5: Vague Topic SentencesFrom: The introduction section to a hypothetical research paper on the effects of meditation on sleep quality.Rhetorical goal for the paragraph: Convince readers that researchers have not, to date, sufficiently determined whether meditation improves sleep quality in people with insomnia. The authors' main message is that a lack of control for subjects' use of sleep medications has contributed to the unresolved nature of the issue.Vague topic sentence: Several debatable studies have been conducted on the effects of meditation on insomnia.Specific topic sentence:Sample 6: Vague Topic SentencesFrom: The discussion section to a hypothetical research paper on the effects of meditation on sleep quality.Rhetorical goal for the paragraph: Suggest future studies. The authors' main message is that the new research is necessary on older adults because they are prone to sleep disorders and negative side effects of sleep medications.Vague topic sentence: New studies are needed to elucidate and expand on the findings of the present study. Specific topic sentence:Sample 7: Evaluate the coherence(1) The significant increase in lean body mass on the carbohydrate-restricted diet was not expected. (2) Infusions of beta-hydroxybutyrate (the major ketone in the circulation) have been shown to reduce protein breakdown during starvation. (3) Young et al. (1971) compared three isocaloric (1800 kcal per day), isoprotein (115 grams) diets differing in carbohydrate content (30, 60, and 104 grams) consumed for nine weeks in obese men. (4) The diet with the lowest amount of carbohydrate (30 grams per day) was associated with increased ketones, greater fat loss, and greater nitrogen retention and preservation of lean tissue compared to the diets with more carbohydrate. (5) The overall effect of elevated ketones on nitrogen retention must be considered in the context of other stimulatory (e.g., growth hormone, testosterone, insulin) and inhibitory (e.g., cortisol, catecholamines) hormones that regulate protein balance. (6) We hypothesize that elevated beta-hydroxybutyrate concentrations may have played a minor role in preventing catabolism of lean tissue on the carbohydrate-restricted diet but other anabolic hormones were likely involved (e.g., growth hormone).Sample 8: Evaluate the coherence(1) It has been estimated that the average daily fat intake for men in the United Kingdom is 108 g. (2) However, experimental studies and data collected from free-living persons indicate that people can consume much more than 130 g of fat in a single meal and nearly 200 g in a full day. (3) It appears to be relatively easy to consume large amounts of fat. (4) Because people do not consciously plan to eat as much fat as possible, we have called this passive consumption. (5) The mechanisms that cause this passive overconsumption include the high energy density of fat, the very high palatability of high-fat foods, culturally approved high-fat food habits, aggressive marketing by segments of the food industry, and human preferences for foods with a fatty texture and the flavors associated with fat. (6) These facilitatory factors


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CU-Boulder IPHY 3700 - Revising Paragraphs

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